The last, dangling thread.
The slippery slope.
The road (more or) less taken.
The edge of disaster.
These proverbial states of being---haven't we encountered one or two of them in our lifetimes? I think I've finally attained the rite to pass through one of them, but it's not completely final (not yet).
After finishing my MA degree at Uni-London (SOAS), I decided that I was more or less sick of academic life. Was it my perception that all my creative spirits (if any to begin with) were finally sapped? Did I argue "Yes...but..." for the last time with that sarcastic smirk appearing .25 seconds afterwards? Or was it the trivial argument of which footnote formating style to use that finally broke the back of that proverbial desert beast that has humps that store large amounts of water? Despite this laundry list of (self) doubts, I felt it somewhat rational to offer myself an escape chute just in case my whims were more whimsical than usual. I decided apply to two schools in Australia in hopes of continuing toward the coveted, doctorate degree. The only alternative was compulsory military service for a year and eight months in Taiwan...something I more or less wanted to finish anyways (justifications on that in a later entry perhaps)
Admittedly, one does not, or should not, make too many half-hearted decisions in life---especially if they involve a doctorate program...an undertaking that requires more drive and determination than having a hamster generate enough energy to run that gumball machine you just robbed. That's why I'm not surprised today by the Australian National University's (ANU) decision not to accept me into their doctorate program...at this time (received electronic confirmation today; awaiting official, paper-pulp version in the mail). My "backup" is a program in Sydney, from which I still await (in)auspicious news.
This is not ultimate rejection in my book, rather, I feel a certain solace after having read that short email, relaying the "bad news". If not ultimate confirmation, my rejection by ANU brings forth more clarity, more diversity and increased variability for life beyond the book, bookmark and paper weight. Academia has mean't a lot to me in the past eighteen years. I've made many friends, developed and shared much insights from people from far reaches of our small planet---yet, this journey's path will not disappear from beneath my feet because of a two to three year hiatus. And then there's that saying that Academia exists in a bubble...masking the harsh realities of everyday life. I'd like to add that every part of our being has been confined to certain limited perspectives, large or small, for which Academia is just one example. I'd like to see the other bubbles before making a decision to re-enter the Academic Bubble.
Thanks for reading.
